1. Keep your emotions in check.
Yup, it’s hard to do because the hole in our heart is gaping. Lean into the memories. After all, that is why we had our old traditions to begin with. For the memories! They are not going away. Will be kept in our hearts forever so lean into those inwardly before you allow outward emotion to be displayed.
2. Redefine what family time looks like.
Trying to recreate what Christmas 2004 looked like is impossible. Don’t expect adult kids to behave the same way they did when they all lived at home and were in middle school. Enjoy the new normal and start new traditions with just yourself, your spouse and/or your pets.
3. Carry on without them.
For a couple years I didn’t want to celebrate anything unless the six of us were all together. Another impossible feat! Make your plans to the best of everyone’s ability to participate and when they can’t, accept it and have fun, make memories and traditions without them for that particular time. Next time it will be a different kid missing (or two). Accept the missing and don’t let absences ruin it for you and everyone else that can participate.
4. Traditions are going to look different.
Traditions don’t have to be static. Let go and allow for traditions to change, evolve and be redefined.
5. Enjoy them creating their own traditions.
As young adults, they are starting to make their own traditions in their own lives (yes, probably without you ). Offer to help set the table for Friendsgiving or assist with travel plans for them to spend time with their significant other’s family (their new tradition you can get a sliver of being in on and bonus points for being helpful?!?) Something is better than nothing. No, it’s not like it used to be (and never will be). Just try to enjoy seeing them create their own traditions with friends and loved ones in their new adult lives.
Love this perspective. Great suggestions! Happy holidays to you Tami, love what you are doing here with your beautiful smile and sparkle!!
Thank you Amanda! This year hit me extra hard with all four of our kiddos in college and so busy all the time! Happy holiday to you and yours!