Accepting the Loss of Holiday Traditions

Have college kids and your family holiday traditions out of whack? I can relate! This year all four of our kids are in college. Indeed, it’s a wonderful time watching our “mini” adults become independent. However, with neophyte adults, I’m also watching our family time and traditions slowly whittle away. Holiday time together and traditions now need to be worked around college kids work schedules, own apartments, significant others and friends. Add this to a blended family schedule and you can see, our family traditions are not just out of whack, they are nearing death.

And I’m ok with it. I’ve reconciled that this is just another phase of parenthood and life. Watching our children move onward and upward establishing their own independence. Isn’t that ultimately what we want? For them to move away from us and start their own lives happy and healthy. Sure it is, but it doesn’t make our heart hurt less for the void of some of our own family traditions. However, it’s happening whether we want it to or not.

Here are 5 tips for accepting the loss of holiday traditions when kids are in college.

1. Keep your emotions in check.

Yup, it’s hard to do because the hole in our heart is gaping. Lean into the memories. After all, that is why we had our old traditions to begin with. For the memories! They are not going away. Will be kept in our hearts forever so lean into those inwardly before you allow outward emotion to be displayed.

2. Redefine what family time looks like.

Trying to recreate what Christmas 2004 looked like is impossible. Don’t expect adult kids to behave the same way they did when they all lived at home and were in middle school. Enjoy the new normal and start new traditions with just yourself, your spouse and/or your pets.

3. Carry on without them.

For a couple years I didn’t want to celebrate anything unless the six of us were all together. Another impossible feat! Make your plans to the best of everyone’s ability to participate and when they can’t, accept it and have fun, make memories and traditions without them for that particular time. Next time it will be a different kid missing (or two). Accept the missing and don’t let absences ruin it for you and everyone else that can participate.

4. Traditions are going to look different.

Traditions don’t have to be static. Let go and allow for traditions to change, evolve and be redefined.

5. Enjoy them creating their own traditions.

As young adults, they are starting to make their own traditions in their own lives (yes, probably without you ). Offer to help set the table for Friendsgiving or assist with travel plans for them to spend time with their significant other’s family (their new tradition you can get a sliver of being in on and bonus points for being helpful?!?) Something is better than nothing. No, it’s not like it used to be (and never will be). Just try to enjoy seeing them create their own traditions with friends and loved ones in their new adult lives.

We mourn our family traditions because that is love. However, it’s time to let go a little. Albeit, as hard as it is to do, that is love too.

2 thoughts on “Accepting the Loss of Holiday Traditions”

Amanda Pugh
December 24, 2019 at 8:04 am

Love this perspective. Great suggestions! Happy holidays to you Tami, love what you are doing here with your beautiful smile and sparkle!!
1. Tami
  December 27, 2019 at 2:01 pm
  
  Thank you Amanda! This year hit me extra hard with all four of our kiddos in college and so busy all the time! Happy holiday to you and yours!

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